This self-help boundaries book uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an evidence-based approach to understanding the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The CBT exercises in this book will help you identify inaccurate thoughts and beliefs that are making it difficult for you to set boundaries and replace them with thoughts that are more accurate and helpful. I couldn’t keep secrets from her, it was devastating for her to find out that I moved to a new apartment during my studies or that I didn’t eat dairy anymore. This little habit of letting people break into my personal space without even feeling angry about it lead to meeting all kinds of dubious people. This book is just a bunch of Christian psycho-babble about how to 'say no'. the author drones on and on with example situations about a working mom driving the kids to soccer practice, being asked to volunteer at church, all the while juggling her career with the needs of her jerk of a husband and bratty / whining kids. Really, it's not much more than a book created to give people excuses for making bad choices in the first place.

If they go after your mental health or use guilt...just walk away...they're not friendship material. Not in my normal genre so I can't give this 5 Stars...SCREW THAT!!!! 5 Stars, 5 Stars, 5 Stars! 100 Stars if I could give 100 stars! *Sigh* Oh well, 5 Stars it is.This is a practical book for maintaining boundaries in all kinds of situations. 4. Boundary power: how I treat you, how I let you treat me, how I treat myself, by Mike S. O’Neil, Charles, E. Newbold Jr. Does your life feel like it's out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone's requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others' feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you've forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it's all of the above.

Have you ever felt taken advantage of? Have you ever had someone just cut you off and you had no idea why? Have you ever had someone you could not get rid of? Do you feel tremendous pressure from someone which you cannot satisfy? If so, you probably have had or do have boundary issues. On the other hand, if you come from a family of narcissists, not only you weren’t taught boundaries but you were even encouraged to accept abuse from others and believe that it is OK. Perhaps my biggest struggle is the authors' tendency to blame absolutely every poor character trait on the parents of the unpleasant person. No one ever made a bad decision for themselves, it seems, but everything bad about you is your parents' fault. Only you can fix it, of course, but they're the ones that made you this way--they didn't teach you good boundaries, or they tried to control you with guilt or anger, or they only looked out for themselves and did not respect your needs or boundaries, or... the list goes on. As a child myself, I can recall times that I made my own bad decisions, and I cannot trace my current problems to my parents. They weren't perfect, of course, but they aren't to blame for all of my hardships. As a parent myself, I find it hard to believe that every bad decision my son makes will rest on my head when judgment day comes--it's just not a reasoned position to take here. The book contains a very large number of what I call "pastor stories." Probably, these vignettes come from actual examples in the authors' private practice, with the names and details changed to protect patient confidentiality... but they come across as those stories used by pastors to prove a point. You know the ones--anecdotes about people who only have first names, with no clear evidence to suggest that they are factual, but they perfectly (and conveniently) encapsulate the message that the pastor is trying to get across. I don't trust stories like these, and while the clinical experience of the authors lends a little credence to them, I'm still not a fan.

People who grew up in these families still feel guilty for setting up boundaries as adults. Boundaries Attract High-Quality People In case, you don’t manage to set limits with your loved ones, ask help from a counselor who is specialized in this subject. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Not taking things personally is also a hallmark of people with a growth mindset. Read here how to develop a growth mindset. No, he doesn’t set limits on what people can do, but he sets his standards. And when they behave outside his standards it’s like he is saying “you can be that way if you want, but you can’t come to my house”. Emotional Distance is Temporary Boundary Many people focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. That’s why the ability to set clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Drs. Cloud and Townsend offer biblically-based answers and show how to set healthy boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself!